By Debra Whiting Alexander for The Bureau For At-Risk Youth
Karla had just taken a seat in the high school auditorium when the lights went out. The curtains slowly opened and the cast of 12 were standing on the stage with their backs to the audience. It was an eerily quiet opening for a musical production but Karla remembers thinking it was a cool dramatic effect. There was a hush across the audience waiting in anticipation. When the cast suddenly turned and faced the audience, Karla saw what she thought were play guns in their hands. But when they opened fire and bullets sprayed from one end of the auditorium to the other, she realized the screams of the victims were real. It was no act and there would be no play.
Karla was shot in the leg. She crouched to the floor with other screaming students and their families, dragging her leg in a desperate attempt to find her dad. She tried frantically to remember which section of the auditorium he had chosen to sit in. It was becoming difficult to breathe when deep heavy sobs began to overtake her. And then she lunged awake screaming for her father in the pitch-black night of her bedroom.
"The nightmares are back", Karla announced. "I can't believe this is happening again. They aren't dreams of what really happened, but I feel the same terror. This time I was afraid for my dad." Karla sat in my counseling office trembling as she described her nightmare to me. She would be the first of four students that day to share post trauma reactions with me. It was nearing the second "anniversary" date of the school shooting that changed their lives forever. On that morning, a total of four people were murdered and more than 20 students were wounded. Physical wounds will be life long for some, and for many others the psychological wounds will be too. For most, the lingering effects of that traumatic morning will continue to come and go.
What To Expect
It is normal for children as well as adults to experience a wide range of reactions following a traumatic event. Although not everyone will experience post trauma reactions, given enough stress, everyone will have reactions to it. Some will experience symptoms immediately while others find symptoms emerging later. There is no right or wrong way to move through the process you must go through to resolve such an event.
Exposure to murder or the threat of murder is among the most difficult traumas people can face. Students tell me they can't concentrate in class, are easily startled and complain of nausea, loss of appetite and sleep problems. All ages regress developmentally and some survivor's go to great lengths to avoid reminders of the event. Reliving memories through flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and images and nightmares is common. Physical complaints of headaches, diarrhea and severe anxiety also happen frequently. Research indicates that exposure to trauma can even cause profound physiological changes to the brain and central nervous system.
Most survivors experience intense feelings of fear and worry that the incident will happen again. The sense of safety and security they once had in the world has been stolen from them. Questioning spiritual beliefs and the meaning to life is an important part of trying to make sense of something that may have completely shifted the foundation of values and beliefs one was raised on.
Daily routines and activities are difficult for trauma survivor's to follow and life often feels as though it will be permanently disrupted. Teens often say they feel like they're going "crazy." The roller coaster of emotions they experience makes them feel as though they are "losing their mind." You can assure them they are not crazy. What happened was.
Trauma reactions can and do happen to emotionally healthy people. They cannot be prevented by maturity, strength, courage or good mental health. The temptation to self-medicate disturbing thoughts, feelings and physical sensations is especially high for adolescents. Many believe if they can numb and block out frightening reactions they will go away on their own. Clearly, using the distractions of drugs, alcohol, sex or food only complicates the survivor's ability to move on. They often get "stuck" on the emotional roller coaster that can cause one to feel so "crazy." .
Traumatic memories can replay themselves and interfere with daily living. They are memories like no others. They are difficult to shake and impossible to erase. Like adults, children and adolescents need to talk about them, understand what they went through and learn ways to cope with distressing symptoms. It's been said what you can't put to words, you can't put to rest. Professional debriefing is an opportunity for those involved or impacted by a trauma to talk about what they went through, gain an understanding about the range of normal responses they can expect and learn techniques for coping with distressing symptoms. The sooner survivor's of trauma receive emotional first aid the better.
Adolescents may refuse help from others for many of the same reasons adults do. They may be afraid of becoming too overwhelmed by talking about it. If they start to cry, many fear they won't be able to stop. Reviving troublesome memories that evoke difficult feelings and symptoms is extremely painful. Others simply feel it is just impossible to explain what they went through. Some may be struggling with feelings of guilt and anger about their role in the event. Others believe in order to forget what happened, it's better not to talk about it. By disclosing their true thoughts and feelings survivor's often say they fear they will be seen as having a "mental condition." Many also fear they may upset others by sharing the graphic parts of the experience they continue to be most troubled by.
A pre-teen once asked me; "Don't you have a pill or something you can give me to just make me forget?" Part of successful counseling involves helping survivor's understand the value of remembering. Techniques can be taught to help survivor's learn to live with the images and find a reason to go on.
What You Can Do
Parents and concerned adults can do a lot to help children and teens survive traumatic experiences. Victims must find their own way to go on but with support and guidance you can help them find relief from distressing symptoms. You can also help them figure out how to endure profound suffering and loss. Remember the following:
- Be willing to listen when the child is ready to talk.
- Openly acknowledge the trauma and what happened honestly.
- Help reestablish a sense of safety and security.
- Increase comfort and adjust for your child's own unique fears.
- Tolerate temporary behavioral and mood changes.
- Educate yourself and your family about the normal responses to trauma.
- Give hope and be prepared to address spiritual questions and concerns.
- Seek professional help if stress is prolonged or cannot be alleviated.
- Seek support and consultation from a trained trauma specialist who can provide you with a variety of helpful strategies.
Moving through the myriad of experiences following a traumatic event is never an easy process and there are no quick fixes. A traumatic memory for most can only be integrated through a painfully slow process. Understanding this is the first step. Love, empathy, support and professional assistance, if necessary, can help take you the rest of the way.
Reaffirm The Future With Hope
I tell people the trauma they suffered will always be a part of their life but it is not all of life. It may be a sentence, page or chapter in their life story, but it's not the whole book. No doubt there will be more tragedies to endure in the chapters yet to be written, but there will be many good memories too. How they transform their suffering from this tragedy can help them respond to stress in the future. I ask my clients, "How has this changed you? In what ways are you different?" Children and adolescents often say the same thing; "I appreciate everything about my life more", "I don't take things or people for granted" and "My beliefs and goals have grown stronger."
The evening following Karla's visit to my office, a school performance was taking place in the auditorium of her high school. Her dreams had turned the same event into a horror story just one night earlier. After she shared the nightmare with her father he asked if it might be better if she didn't attend. Karla told her dad, "No, it wouldn't be better. I can't stop living my life. It was a dream about the past. Not my future." That evening, Karla and the rest of her school enjoyed a terrific performance. It was a good memory all could add to their life stories.
We must acknowledge to our children that a part of life is not good or secure. But that trauma is not all of life. It is just a part. Eventually what's good about life returns to help balance what's not.
About Debra Whiting Alexander, Ph.D.
Debra Whiting Alexander, Ph.D. is the author of Children Changed by Trauma: A Healing Guide (New Harbinger Publications, 1999) and two series of creative healing books for children and teens recovering from post trauma stress; Something Bad Happened series and The Way I Feel series (The Bureau For At-Risk Youth, 1991).
She consulted on the video Saving Our Schools: From Hate And Violence (Heartland Media, 1999) and is currently working on a video project regarding the emotional aspects of emergency care (EMP International, Inc., 2000).
She is currently a Trauma Consultant and Counselor for the Springfield School District and Professor at Northwest Christian College in Eugene, Oregon.
